vanilla twilight

i watch the night turn light blue 
but it's not the same without you 
because it takes two to whisper quietly 
the silence isn't so bad
till i look at my hands and feel sad
because the spaces between my fingers
are right where yours fit perfectly
 
as many times as I blink
i'll think of you tonight

when violet eyes get brighter
and heavy wings grow lighter
i'll taste the sky and feel alive again
and I'll forget the world that I knew
but I swear I won't forget you
oh, if my voice could reach back through the past
i'd whisper in your ear,
oh darling I wish you were here

tonight as i took e for a walk around the neighborhood, i had a peculiar feeling. i don't know if it was sadness, or homesickness, or worry, or contentment, or anything else. it's a bit past dusk in the city and the smell of a backyard fire was wafting past on the gentle breeze. it took me back to high school, when i'd arrive home from work or play on a perfect almost fall night like this and find my family out back having s'mores and being perfect, calling my name to join them in the fun.

the perfect fall weather also reminds me of college when i'd be bustling to and fro my various commitments even though school would have just started up again. right about now i'd hole up in my dorm room to be a good RA, or hit the books. those were good days, too.

fast forward to today: i'm in medical school. finally. i've passed my first class (it was a real nail-biter). i'm duly intimidated by my second class. when e and i were out walking, we passed the house where the "class unity" kegger is being held tonight. i probably won't go - it is very intimidating to hang out with all of these classmates. studying and e take all the energy i have, so there is none left for awkward social encounters (to clarify: they are awkward encounters because i'm the most awkward girl you'll meet. but then again, if you know me then you already know that). unfortunately, this is probably putting me on the fast track to being the class loser with few to no friends. we'll see. maybe i'll surprise myself eventually. for now i'll take joy in the small things: jersey shore on the television, java chip espresso ice cream in the freezer, zinnias in the flower beds on my walk to school, the smells of change and promise in the air, and my {occasionally} sweet pup e.

much love for you all,

k & e