medical school was hard

now that i'm trying to rejuvenate this bloggy attempt to keep my right brain stimulated, i thought i'd use this time to chat a bit about how absolutely and ridiculously hard medical school was. i'm not sure why i feel compelled to reflect on this truth, but maybe it has something to do with shaking it off, as t swift might say?

by far one of the weirdest parts of having a real grown up baby doctor job is that while i still have about a gazillion things to learn [always will], the immense crushing pressure of dragging my way through blazing hoops of fire has mostly gone by the wayside. when i work with medical students now, i see myself in their fearful exhausted doubtful resentful but hopeful eyeballs. i wand to hug them all and say no matter what your step 1 score turns out to be, it'll be ok! no matter what grade you get on your gen surg shelf, it's ok! no matter how shittily you did on biochem, it's ok! no one could have done more shittily in biochem than me, and look where i am now! people call me doc! they gave me a DEA number!

the most important advice i can and should dole out is this: learn how to deal with the fear/doubt/exhaustion/resentment now. it gets better, but it is still terrifying. instead of being scared of failing ALL THE TESTS, i'm now scared of failing a real human being. a topic for another day!

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we're back!

hello dear friends! 

ellie and i have been, well, completely off the grid in terms of updating this here blerg. probably because over the last year or two i was busy with the three legged stool of sleeping, eating, and trying to reach that ever so elusive goal of GRADUATING!

yep, it finally happened. they gave me THE degree, the one i've been working toward for 10 years. it is so incredibly hard to believe that now i am an md. MD. M-D! pinch me!

well, now that all that is out of the way i'm on to bigger and more exciting things. first, i've moved away from dc back to the midwest to embark on my medical training in missouri. i started this blog to keep in touch with my family/friends in the midwest while in the east, but now i'm back. does that make this superfluous? maybe not since my 80 hour workweeks will likely preclude a lot of meaningful one on one time with said family/friends. 

anyhow, just wanted to say hi and perhaps get this blerg back on the map. i won't be able to talk too much about work, you know hipaa and all that (patients can be so private and secretive! what's up with that?) but i certainly can talk about friendship, weather, the stupid things i do, the funny/cute/frustrating things princess eleanor rose does, and the inevitable growing pains that will stem from moving from a major metropolis to the very rural united states. 

i'll also need to dedicate some air time to the major SCOTUS decisions this week. i am in awe of their prescience. as americans we are lucky to see our government working in the truest sense of the word. 

peace, friends. talk to you soon!

starting with a single step

well, hello there. it's been practically forever. figuratively, anyway.

i have found myself with an amazing amount of free time for my mind to wander lately, because [...drumroll, please...] i just took my last medical school exam! for those of you who have been following along with this [now derelict] blog/blerg, you'll know how big of a deal that is.

i'm now in the interview season of life, which is to say that for the last month and a half i have been traipsing about the us of a trying to act effortlessly charming. however, all that has really amounted to are some feeble attempts on my part to be polite and interesting, but most often digressing into me acting like my awkward self and hoping against hope that it is enough.

it's been quite a process.
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my interview trails have brought me to the midwest, where i've been staying with my grandmother the last couple of weeks. i can't begin to explain how nourishing it has been for my weary soul. my gram is hands down the wisest, funniest, and most caring lady i've been fortunate enough to meet. she lives in a charming town full of friendly kansans.

since being here, i've been attempting to get back into the running game. while jogging about around town, i've noticed that this town has a bit of a loose canine problem. true to small town form, lots of the town's dogs tend to wander. however, i have gotten tired of seeing these pups dart in front of traffic so i've been trying to greet them and return them to the homes listed on their tags. this has been utterly unsuccessful but since when have i eschewed these sorts of futile attempts?

in that context, the other night i saw a large, german shepherd looking dog slink across the street. of course, i foolishly called out 'hey doggie, where do you belong??'. the animal peered around the bush s/he had just darted behind and stared directly past my eyes and into my soul.

i had the most unsettling but inspiring moment as i realized i was definitely not staring at a dog, but what was likely a skinny, hungry coyote. we regarded each other for what felt like minutes but was likely seconds until s/he got bored and cruised down the alleyway. at the end of the alleyway, s/he turned around and cast me a goodbye glance as i headed home, grateful for not being mauled and for having shared an intimate moment with Nature.

#thingsyoudontseeindc

 

babies and sneezing and cutting

today i had blood and bodily fluids sprayed on my person [head to toe] no less than three times.

that's ok, though, because i was of course wearing the proper personal protective gear.

it's also ok because i got to play a [small] part in ushering three little lives out of their mothers and into the windy, wild world.

it was a really lovely time. the body's capacity to birth a child is amazing to watch. some babies practically walk out when their mother sneezes, while others require vacuums, forceps, and/or scalpels to arrive. this got me thinking about modern medicine, and how lucky we are to live now versus 100 years ago. more specifically, how lucky i am to be alive today. without modern medical interventions, i wouldn't be as alive and healthy as i am today and neither would my mom. neither would about 2/3 of the patients i delivered today.



mildly interesting food for thought on a windy wednesday.

what's new?

walking home today from the run (which was necessitated because my bike lock may or may not have rusted shut in an amazing and final show of force) it hit me that autumn is here. i love fall in dc. it's not quite as amazing as spring, of course, but one cannot help but marvel at how the wind ruffles through the trees and all the people scamper across the sidewalks with a seemingly heightened sense of purpose. the slight chill gives the air a drinkable quality, filling up lungs like a cool glass of water on a summer day. mums and pumpkins on doorsteps are a small but beautiful touch. dogs tear through dog parks with tongues flopping about with reckless abandon, celebrating the departure of the swampy and oppressive summer.  

i love it. 

on that note, i thought i'd do a little photo mash up to let ya know what i've been up to, other than that bonkers run i keep blabbing about (and which went really well thank you very much! more on that later . . .). 

selfie at seester's wedding

lazy when hiking the colorado mountains

dogsitting 

dogsitting

rt of my love note to bernie sanders by crossfire. happiness.

zinnias

home depot

home depot, round two 

pumpkin cupcakes. you betcha

selfie riding the metro to go see a dear friend from home!

more zinnias, transported in the backpack

seeing my dear granddad see his memorial in dc

  "don't you love [dc] in the fall? it makes me want to buy school supplies. i would send you a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils if i knew your name and address"

[nora ephron]

west virginia camping and a final plea for $$

hey hey! on this somewhat wet and rainy saturday morning i decided to regale you with the tale of our trip last week to go camping. to set the stage, i wasn't totally sold on the idea but off we went. there were a couple of hiccups (including alternators dying, campgrounds being closed because of that government of ours, etc etc). then we hit a squirrel (my nightmares are now filled with animals dying in horrific ways). 

however, now i'll discuss the positive points of the weekend: we ate s'mores and veggie chili, we got to sleep in the great outdoors, ellie was a very well behaved camping dog, and on the way back we stopped at an awesome flea market where we got three return of the jedi burger king drinking glasses from the early 80s and a pretty awesome tie fighter to hang from the ceiling in the living room. 

not too shabby.

 

 

 

 

 

 

lastly, this is my final post before the big jog tomorrow during which i will attempt to run a 5k without stopping or falling over. if you want to make a last minute donation to this pretty amazing cause which i'm sure you've heard me pontificate about before, that would be super awesome. i'm pretty far behind on my [ambitious] goal for fundraising. you can learn more and donate here. finally, a hugggeee thank you to all of my dear friends and family who have supported me in this endeavor so far! you all have kept me going on days when the last thing i wanted to do was go on a run. you're my people!

I've been asked a lot for my view on American health care. Well, 'it would be a good idea,' to quote Gandhi. 

[paul farmer]

the greatest generation

OUR DEBT TO THE HEROIC MEN AND VALIANT WOMEN IN THE SERVICE OF OUR COUNTRY CAN NEVER BE REPAID. THEY HAVE EARNED OUR UNDYING GRATITUDE. AMERICA WILL NEVER FORGET THEIR SACRIFICES. 

[President Harry S Truman] 

i had the great privilege to accompany my dear granddad p as he visited the ww2 memorial here in dc for the first time. he's a veteran of that war, as was my late grandpa h. i couldn't help but fight back a few tears as i surveyed the group of brave men taking a long awaited victory lap around their memorial. 

i couldn't help but wonder how they feel about the current events in the land they fought so hard to protect. it seems like since those days, our national dialogue has devolved to a place where grinding the gears of our entire economy for weeks on end is an acceptable tantrum tactic by our nation's leaders. i was more than a little shocked that those same leaders showed up for a quick photo op with these dear veterans instead of doing us all the service of getting the government up and running again. 

anyway, i digress. the point is, it was a bittersweet day. i loved seeing my granddad get to experience his beloved nation's capitol, but an unbelievably stark contrast was painted between these brave and kind veterans of foreign wars vs. the nincompoops who can't keep our government from imploding due to infighting and petty posturing. 

i love you, granddad bill, and i thank you so much for your service and your example.

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them

[jfk]